October 20, 2008

It's the beginning of our second quarter at work today. I've got everything except a skills test booklet and some math graded. I'm almost done with my grades. I still have to finish grading the benchmark assessments that the district gave us. They are insane. But, I'm optimistic I will get them done on time.

I'm not sure I'll get my career ladder responsibility forms. If I'm not able to get them done, then, I'm done with it. I hate to leave my co-rep in the lurch like that, but I am NOT going to work at meetings for Career Ladder and not get paid for it. Especially since most of those meetings go until after 5:00 pm.

I stayed at work until 5:00 pm today. It enabled me to get two of the tests I gave on Friday graded along with the assignments we did today. I'm going to do my best to grade as much as I can each day. It's impossible for me to stay that late every day, though.

I was also able to get at least one thing ready for tomorrow, too. I wanted to do more, but each task always takes longer than you anticipate and I think most people don't realize how much time grading papers takes or any of the other paperwork that has to be done. But, I'm going to do my best to get my stuff done when it's supposed to be done.

My mom took Michaela to gymnastics tonight. It was actually a last minute plea from me. I had two messages on my phone from Michael saying he was going to take a customer out to dinner with the sales person from work. He called me when I was driving home, too. Since I did not leave work until 5:00 pm, I had less than an hour to get to Guppy to get the kids and get them fed before Michaela left.

Michaela was thrilled that Nana went to watch her do gymnastics tonight and it meant I did not have to drag Caleb to the gym tonight. Eight minutes is a long time for a six year old boy to wait for his sister to have a gymnastics class. It gave me a little time with my son. He needed some mommy time desperately. And, Mommy needed some Caleb time desperately.

October 19, 2008

I spent most of the day doing laundry and working on things for work, AGAIN. I'm so tired of spending most of my weekends doing stuff for work. I'm tired of more and more work being piled on top of me.

I'm tired of my profession becoming something that prevents me from enjoying what it's supposed to be. I'm becoming very resentful that I spend most of the time I'm instructing worrying about how I'm going to get all the paperwork done on time. The students are supposed to be the saving grace of my job.

It's supposed to be the enjoyment I get from the time I spend with them that over shadows the stress, but the stress has just been increased so much that it's over shadowing the things that are supposed to make the paperwork worth it. It's just making me so angry that that enjoyment is being TAKEN AWAY from me. I've seriously broken down and cried a few times in the last couple weeks because I feel like I'm drowning and no one cares.

Between all of this and the idiot my husband works for constantly bouncing paychecks I'm ready to pack us all up and just leave this area all together. I know that sounds extreme and there's no way we would actually do it, but if there were even the slightest door of opportunity I'd be pushing Michael to take it. But as it is, we just really cannot afford to do anything like that. Soon, we'll probably be trying to live off just my paycheck.

Tonight I took the kids to church so they could be there for the Christmas program rehearsal. They both have a lot of lines to learn. But, they are excited about being a bigger part of it all this year. It will mean being at church every Sunday night, but I'm sure it will be worth it. It helped being around people from church. I really enjoy my friends from there. Michaela and Caleb enjoy being around their friends from church a lot, too.

October 18, 2008

It's been another busy Saturday. Most of the morning was spent running errands and things like that. I did make it out to Kidsmart today. I really made out like a bandit this time. I was able to get TONS of books. They were allowing 35 NEW paperbacks, 20 NEW hardbacks, and 15 NEW non-fiction books. I was even able to get two novels for me. I also got a bunch more two pocket folders, some old pin fed computer paper for math stuff, crayons, pencils, prizes for my students, erasers, some miscellaneous stuff, and the best part I got holiday gifts for my students. They are book sets that come with some stuff that goes with the story. It was so cool to find those.

This afternoon I got in a tiny little nap. Then, it was time for Michaela and I to meet up with the girl scouts. We went out to Purina Farms for their Haunted Hayloft activities. After we all got there, the first thing we did was go on the hayride. I expected at least some decorations during the ride, but it was just the regular hayride they do out there all the time. Then, we watched the magic show and that was cute. After that they brought out the dogs and I love that part. Michaela was in heaven watching them do their thing.

Next, we went in to the barn and looked at the animals. They had the play area decorated and a very tame haunted house set up where they usually have the tricycles. It was perfect for families that bring in their toddlers and small children. Our girls enjoyed it, too.

Finally we went down for the cow milking. Each girl got to try milking the cow. They could not wait for that. They really enjoyed that all though most of them could not wait to wash their hands. We got a group picture and then it was time to leave.

After we dropped off the mom and daughter that rode with us, Michaela and I went to eat. It was already after 8:00 pm and we were both very hungry. We had a quiet meal at JJ's as there was no one else there except the employees. It was nice to have a sit down meal like that with just my daughter.

October 17, 2008

I'm so glad it is Friday. I guess I say that every week lately. But, the weekends are so necessary at this point in time. Today was a half day for Michaela and Caleb and it was their first day of going to the after school camp that is held at their school on half days. They really enjoyed it and were glad to not have to go to Little Guppy for most of the day. I think they are both getting to the point where they see Little Guppy as a place for "babies." It's all part of growing up, but they are not old enough to stay home themselves yet, so they will have to deal with it for a little while longer.

Two weeks from today begins some time off for me, sort of, anyway. On Halloween day I have to be at work for only 3 short hours. We have PT conferences from 9:00 am until noon. Of course the day before we have to be at work for a normal day and then until 7:30 pm for PT conferences, but that's ok by me when I get to leave at noon on the day after. I may go in regular time anyway to get some work done, but I may not. I don't know.

Then, the following Monday is a PD day for us so we do not have any students. Although, I kind of would rather have students. We have to go to our high school for PD this time. I don't like that. I'd much rather do it at our own building.

The day after that is election day and I have that day off. Michaela and Caleb have half day that day and they still want to do the camp after it, so I'll have most of the day to myself. Although, I'll probably pick them up by 3:00 pm if not earlier.

October 16, 2008

Sometimes it is very hard to live your life the way you believe it should be lived. I'm going through a time right now where I'd love to say things to certain people in my life, but it just goes against what I believe to do so. I know it would be wrong and I know it would be so very hurtful. I don't want to be hurtful even though I have been hurt, but yet there is that innate preservation instinct that makes me have the desire just to tear someone from limb to limb. So it means that I am struggling with myself to do what's right and wanting vengeance.

Ha! That word looks so harsh and in a way I suppose it is, but if it were as dire as that I'd not be having this fight with myself. The thing is I have the ability to bring a couple people to their knees if I chose to do so. But, I also know that in the process it would hurt people that I hold very dear to me and I cannot do that. Honestly, I really don't want to wish that kind of pain on anyone, even someone who has hurt me. It would not make me feel better. Somehow, though that primeval need to strike back still has to be dealt with on a level that is a lot more strong than I would rather not admit.

October 15, 2008

I had a Career Ladder meeting tonight at work. It lasted until 6:00 pm. I'm just drained. We found out there is a form that needs to be filled out numerous times for each participant. It's a bit extreme. I cannot wait until this year is over, because I'm so done with Career Ladder after this year. It's one of the stresses at my job I can control and it's way more stressful than any amount of money is worth. But, it also means there will be even less of me offered after hours.

October 14, 2008

They unveiled the new Pack Rat on Facebook today. So far I am not impressed much. I like the draw card feature, but that's about it. I'm not real happy with the swapping thing as you can only swap with a card of equal or lesser value. There is no more making the value of your cards climb so you can swap with something bigger. That annoys me. It's not stealing at all anymore. Even those of us who played co-op used the feature of stealing to help us out, especially when dealing with the rats.

I also do not like the new ticket system. They still have the markets where you buy things with your credits, but they've jumped on the Paypal bandwagon and started markets where you have to use tickets. Tickets are only obtained by paying cash for them. That is a bit annoying. I could deal with it if it were just for retired cards, but they are offering some cards in new and current sets in these markets, too and making it near impossible to get those cards in other ways.

Another thing I don't like is there are no status bars in the markets anymore. You have no idea how many of each card are left when you go to buy something. This was not only important in trying to get something before it was gone for a while, but also to know how long it would be before a different card would be offered in that slot.

Also, I do not like that the smack talk walls are not permanent. What you write on the wall disappears as more actions in your pack or stash take place. Someone left me a message at one point and I could not read it because so many people had moved things around in my stash and the message was gone before I logged on.

Which brings me to the shared stash, another thing I do not like. Since the wall is not permanent, you can leave a message on it for people to not take things from this stash, but they may not see it. So, if a friend leaves something for you it may be taken before they get to it because people can't see the wall all the time.

October 13, 2008

I found this quote today and it matched somethings I was thinking about. So, I thought I'd share it.

Our minds have the need to “know.” When we don’t know, we make assumptions - they make us feel safer than not knowing. And we are pretty much always making assumptions. We assume that we know how someone is going to react to us. We assume that our efforts will or will not be successful. And not only do we believe our assumptions about what other people are thinking, but then we end up taking those assumptions personally and even end up resenting the person. To avoid assumptions, ask questions. It takes courage to trust the present moment, to allow other people to be exactly who they are, and to let life unfold according to its own plan… and it avoids a great deal of suffering.

-Don Miguel Ruiz

Also....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRANDON!!!!

My brother is 32 today.

October 12, 2008

I was up by 5:30 this morning. The dog wanted to be fed. I tried to go back to sleep, but I couldn't. I tossed and turned all night last night. I could not stop thinking about all I still need to get done for work.

Once Michael got up I folded another load of laundry and got to work on stuff for work. I was able to work about an hour and half before we went to church. My mom brought Michaela home around 10:00 am. We left for church at 10:30.

After church we went out to eat with Stacey, Steve and their kids. I got to see Lauren's pictures from her pageant. They were great. She looked so cute. It was nice to sit and talk with friends.

The rest of the day has been spent on laundry and work. I'm exhausted and am hoping I sleep better tonight.

October 11, 2008

It's been a busy day. This morning after I paid bills the kids and I left to run errands. We went to Wal-mart and did the weekly shopping there. Then, it was time to pick Abby up from the groomers. We brought Abby and the Wal-mart packages home. It was off to the Halloween Store after that. We got both kids their costumes. Caleb is going to be Commander Rex, a Clone Trooper from Star Wars Clone Wars. Michaela is going to be a Goth Girl. We even got fake piercings for her.

We grabbed some lunch from Taco Bell on the way home. After we ate it was time for me to get to work. I got the laundry started and then drug out my stuff for work. I haved TONS of papers I need to grade and lesson plans to write by Monday morning. So, that's what I did most of the afternoon with loads of laundry between.

At 1:00 my mom came and got Michaela. She's spending the night over there. At 4:00 Michael and Caleb left for the boy scout fright fest thing. I thought they were going to the one at Six Flags, but I was wrong, it's actually something that's going on at the boy scout camp that is near Six Flags. They got home around 8:45 so I had over 4 hours to myself.

I worked on grading until around 6:30 pm and then just spend time playing around online and watching the second season of Supernatural. I also did a couple more loads of laundry.

Michael and Caleb seemed like they had a good time. Michael took my camera and got some decent shots of the outing. He said the boys got scared, but still had fun. So, it was fun scared not terrified scared.