I found a place where I felt safe and really enjoyed the company. I found a way to really start trusting people and developing some deeper friendships other than just acquaintances. I've felt very lucky to have found this place, but lately some things have happened that have taken that safe feeling away. I no longer feel safe or as comfortable as I used to feel in this place and it's really bothering me. I could point fingers and lay blame, but really that would not be entirely fair. There is at least one person, maybe two that have been wrong in their actions toward me, but yes I agree I'm not always the easiest person to be friends with.
I do not make apologies for this. I work very hard at trying to accept people for who they are even when I do not agree with the way they live or even when I don't like them. I am not always successful at this, but I do try. Also, something I've challenged myself to do is to try and like people I don't. I do this by looking at all the qualities of the person and finding any and all positives about the person I can find. It actually works, to an extent. It's a lot of hard work, but doing your best to find the positive in a person really lessens my own stress and helps makes me feel more content in my own life. Except when it backfires. But, that's the chance you have to take, I guess.
Anyway, for the past couple weeks I've been trying really hard to figure out how I can get back that comfort I was feeling in this particular place and so far I'm still at a loss. Leaving this place would mean leaving some very good friends and at this point that is not an option. But, right now being there is tying me up in knots.
In any case it's taking up way too much think space in my brain. So, for now I'm going to go do something brainless.
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